It's not everyday that you get a group of gorgeous girls together in one place who have all been through a completely ridiculous and individual experience.
But last night was one of those rare nights where three generations of the femmè fatale got together over dinner in Melbourne to discuss the convoluted life that is//has//and will be #Big Brother.
It's funny because we are all so different in personality but seem to have so many things in common other than the fact we all lived in a TV show for an extended period of time...
The most common question and probably least desirable (because none of us know how to answer it in one sentence ) is :
"So what are you doing now?"
- This sounds like such a simple question but when your life has gone from some sort of regular normality as a nomad, so weird celebrity-add-water.. It's just too hard to articulate, even to the ones you know well...
We can sit there and list all of the cool shit we have done, or we can just be mellow and say how normal things are now.
The things is though, things are so FAR from normal for all of us.. Even three years on almost (I gasp at the thought!) everyday Big Brother and my life in that show shows it's face, even in the most simple of forms..
Just a random hello at the local coffee spot, a weird look from a stranger, a loving email on our social media from a fan, or some sort of promo request from a brand.. That coupled with normal life, makes it.. Well normal but in our own sort of little reality.
The truth of it is, I don't think things will ever be the same as they were and I am cool with that.
Talking to the fledgling housemates who just finished 2014 - I hear them saying "Oh I just want it to start to quiet down"... That statement is so hard because for the first 12 months you feel like you're the biggest most exciting thing on the street and then it does slowly fade.
There are days you search for your soul and those days sometimes you just want to hide form the world and then on the flip, you just want someone to be like "oh hey I loved you on that whatever it was".
Life of a washed up reality TV start is an interesting one... We're all victims to the relevance of Social Media and who is dating who.. "OMG how did she get that" ,
"who is she wearing?" - They are the more evil sides of TV and celebrityism, even at a D grade level.
You pray that not everyone is out for themselves but for the most part, they are!
I can say I am a bit of a exception to the rule, because I am.
I've always been happy for other people's success.. Even if that means trumping me - if they are more suited to whatever it is I say soldier on! Kick that butt!
Regardless of the previous lovers tiffs etc that we may have enoucounted we find ourselves seeking refuge with one another, because well... No one else just really gets it!
They might be your best friend from 4 years old, know everything about you and be the most understanding human alive.. They probably watched you every night on TV, thinking they know what you went through..
The sad and special reality is though, that no one other than you and these other small collective of people have a clue what you have gone through..
Sure it all seems so glamorous and do not get me wrong; A list parties, celebrity and high profile friends, incredible clothes, fancy lifestyle is amazing.
But the harder side of the psychology cannot be compared and for some the shiniest car, dress or won't compensate for the mental exposure they have endured.
Can confidently say that I am happy with the person I came out of the house and the person I am now, I'm fortunate to say my childhood and colourful upbringing must have conditioned me to a certain level or resilience.. For those of you who watched me closely in the house, I can go into my own land of self-protection where I can get through most situations without much bother..
Big Brother is one giant social experiment as they they keep telling us! It's any wonder many of us have come out slightly tainted//twisted//confused!
Guess that is "what we signed up for?" no pre or post grooming necessary right?
Just keep living our lives step by step, day by day to figure ourselves out.
Anyone can relate to that, is our future already paved for us? Or is it at the mercy of our own hands? We will never know..
All I know is that 3 months of my life I got to just be.. Me.. And it was great.
But as I sit with a heavy hangover and reminisce listening to the latest J.Cole album... I can say.
it's good to be a lady who once lived in a TV.