Yes life does fuck you round sometimes.
The reason for it can not always be found. However it is one thing we all have in common. That consciencly or not, expectations for ourselves are set on a daily, momentary basis.
We make ad hoc decisions for what it is we are about to do now, or to get to somewhere in the future.
Sometimes it’s the decisions that you do not even know you are making that seem to effect you enough. The reasons behind how you feel about a particular situation, or in my case a person.
The one individual whom you just can not seem to clear your thoughts of. This would be wonderful if the feeling were reciprocated. And in my ever so wonderful situation - They are NOT.
This means I now have well little to no options or decisions in which I can make myself to influence my so called “future” or in more cases, way of life with this person. Now I am not trying to imply that I want anything more than a friendship from this person. but it is that I do not even have control of the most simple of instances. Generally I am faced with “options” rather than “instances” because at this moment in time I can’t create the occurrences. I have to either fall into them. Or it be a sheer coincidence.
And right now I am already contradicting myself.. As I begin to notice/realise that indeed I do have power of the given. However, my power is only to choose how I am going to let this effect me right now… Sometimes the ability to exercise it proves to be the hardest. As many know ” it’s easier said that done”.
Right now I guess I will end this line still unknowing of what it is I am about to do……..
Maybe that is half the fun? Least it should be…….
See how I go hey ? !